Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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