just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
