I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
