My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
