Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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