hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I color on your dick again?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
