Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
