i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
