if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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