3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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