I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
