Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize