drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
