I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
