Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
