Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
