I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
