i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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