i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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