Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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