I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
