shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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