5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
