I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
