I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
