so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
