how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
