My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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