My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
