evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize