we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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