please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
