I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
