I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
