I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
