i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
