when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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