Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
