My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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