She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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