Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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