we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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