Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Let's get the cat blown out
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
