I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
