Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize