Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
