Please, let me fuck your mom
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
