This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
