were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize