The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
