Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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