I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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