so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
