Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
