she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize