You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
