He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
