Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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