I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
