A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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