I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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