i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I deserve this hangover.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
