I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
