Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize