booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
