Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
