his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
