I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
