I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
