I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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