Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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