I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
