There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
