you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
