There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
